Recently, I held an AI workshop in Virginia, and the feedback was overwhelmingly positive—rave reviews, in fact. But there was that one guy. You know the type—arms crossed, skepticism practically radiating from him. He was in construction and couldn’t see how AI would be relevant to his work. Throughout the session, he kept challenging everything I said, and while he wasn’t outright disrespectful, his resistance was clear.
It got me thinking: Why do we let that one person stick in our minds? When you speak to 100 people, and 99 love what you had to say, it’s always that one dissenting voice that echoes the loudest. Why is it so hard to brush off that negativity and focus on the majority who were inspired by your message?
The Need for Approval vs. the Power to Be Disliked
As entrepreneurs, speakers, and leaders, we often face this struggle. We can get 100 perfect 10s on a feedback survey, but it’s the one 5 that we dwell on. It’s like the joy from the 10s can never fully erase the sting of that 5. Why is it that we crave approval so deeply? Is it our need to be universally liked? Or is it our discomfort with being disliked?
The more I think about it, the more I realize that the courage to be disliked might just be the secret to true freedom. Being universally liked is impossible—and perhaps even undesirable. The greatest leaders in history, the ones who really made an impact, were polarizing figures. They didn’t please everyone, and they didn’t try to.
Being Polarizing Means Having an Opinion
If you want to stand for something, you’ve got to be willing to take a stand, even if it ruffles some feathers. This isn’t about being controversial for the sake of it. It’s about having a strong opinion and backing it up with conviction. In my case, I’m a firm believer that AI and automation are the future. I stand by that, even when someone in construction argues that machines will “take jobs away from humans.” Maybe that’s polarizing, but it’s also what I truly believe.
The thing is, when you try to please everyone, you end up diluting your message. To be somebody’s favorite, you’ve got to be willing to be somebody else’s least favorite. This is where the concept of having “1,000 true fans” comes in. It’s not about appealing to the masses; it’s about finding your core audience who truly resonates with what you stand for.
The Importance of Genuine Interest and Asking Questions
Of course, being disliked doesn’t mean we should stop caring about connecting with others. Studies show that people who are genuinely interested in others are naturally more likable. Asking questions—lots of them—can create deeper connections. Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit, found that super communicators ask 10 to 20 times more questions than average communicators. So if you want to be liked, or at least respected, show genuine curiosity about the people around you.
Don’t Outsource Your Self-Worth
Finally, let’s talk about self-worth. Too often, we outsource it to the crowd, letting other people’s opinions define how we feel about ourselves. But that’s a dangerous game. If you live for their validation, you’ll die from their criticism. The key is learning to value your own opinion of yourself above all else. It’s about being able to say, “I know what I’m about, and I’m okay with not being everyone’s cup of tea.”
In the end, the courage to be disliked is about staying true to who you are and what you believe in, no matter what. Because when you do that, the right people—the ones who truly align with your message—will stand up and cheer. And that’s way more valuable than universal approval.
Listen to the full podcast episode where Justin King and I discuss this concept here.
Leave a comment