In today’s fast-paced, hyper-connected world, it's easy to get caught up in the rush of pursuing things we think we want—whether it’s a new car, a better job, or the latest tech gadget—because we see others chasing those same things.
But the real question is: how do we know what we truly want?
That quote, “We don’t know what we really want, so we want what other people want,” hits home.
It’s a reminder that sometimes our desires are influenced more by societal expectations and the people around us than by our own internal needs.
So, how do we distinguish between the two? How do we know if we want something because it genuinely aligns with our deepest values, or if it’s just because we’ve seen someone else have it?
Let’s break it down.
1. Identify What You’d Miss Most
One exercise I often take people through is asking them: if you woke up tomorrow and three things you currently have in your life were suddenly gone, what would devastate you the most?
This exercise cuts right to the core of what truly matters to you.
Whether it’s family, physical health, or the ability to communicate and create, these are the things you value at your core. This is where you begin to see what you want—not because anyone else told you to want it, but because it’s foundational to your well-being and happiness.
For instance, when I asked this of a friend, their top three answers had nothing to do with material things like money, cars, or houses. Instead, they were devastated at the thought of losing their health, their family, and their ability to think and communicate.
None of these things are flashy, but they are the pillars of a fulfilling life.
2. Be Honest with Yourself—No Justifications Needed
In the book 10X Is Easier Than 2X, Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan emphasize a powerful truth: you don’t have to justify what you want to anyone.
So often, we get sidetracked, not just by societal pressures, but by the need to explain or defend our desires.
But here’s the thing: it’s your life. If you want that Lamborghini because it genuinely brings you joy or represents something deeper to you, that’s okay! You don’t need to explain it to anyone.
The trick is being brutally honest with yourself about why you want what you want and recognizing when that desire comes from a place of genuine fulfillment rather than external influence.
3. Focus on Longevity, Not Trends
When you think about your goals and desires, ask yourself: will this still matter to me in 10, 20, or 50 years?
If you’re chasing trends, chances are those things won’t hold up over time. But if your wants are rooted in values like family, health, or personal growth, they will remain important, no matter the decade.
The key to figuring out what you truly want is to focus on these long-lasting pillars of happiness rather than short-term excitement.
At the end of the day, figuring out what you really want is a process. It takes reflection and honesty, and sometimes, it takes letting go of what society tells you to chase.
The more you align your desires with your core values, the closer you’ll get to designing a life you truly love—one that’s not based on what others want, but on what makes you feel alive and fulfilled.
Listen to the full podcast episode where Justin King and I discuss this concept here.
Until next time, stay inspired!
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